Brain Splats

New Look

2010-08-18T19:28:00.005+01:00

This is the all new look for Brain Splats, very different than that lovely 60's wallpaper design I had going on, I'm sure you'll agree. The reason for the change? Now that's not really your business is it? It is my blog, and even though it's free, it's still my little piece of cyber-space where I can do what I like (within the limit of decency of course, don't want Jonny Law coming down on me) and as such I can change the design.
Actually, there is no real reason for the change, apart from me being bored and having nothing else to put here. Truth be told, I would like the old design back, but can't find the template so I'm stuck with this depressing black. I suppose I could look at it as being cutting edge and stylish, but that would be a pile of shit. If ever there was a man who fought against things being stylish or hip or fashionable, it's me. I'm not one for all these cold surfaces and sharp corners and minimalist directions. Nope, give me a nice piece of comfortable, rounded clutter any day.
not entirely sure the direction this blog is going in, but there's nothing new in that. I'm sure one day i will have something important to say, but until that day comes you will have to put up with the plentiful rubbish I seem to smear onto this blog.Goodnight.

Oh, and before I forget, here's a picture of Megan Fox in her (painted on) Supergirl shirt. Why? Because it's a friggin' awesome picture and maybe someone will stumble upon my rugged patch of net due to it's inclusion. Here 'tis:

Axe-weilding Cyclepath

2010-07-13T19:11:00.007+01:00

Another beautiful summers evening in Manchester finds the faithful inhabitants stuck inside, hidden away from the rain. Not cold though, so the chief winners appear to be the weeds that have invaded my garden, especially that pesky mule weed which I think is closely related to the triffid.

It hasn't been all bad, however, this weather of ours. The last two weeks have been pretty good, allowing for a couple of long cycles to be had. Organised by other people of course, god forbid I go off on my own back, too much effort.

First up was a charming 60 mile cycle to Blackpool. When I say charming, I actually mean really, really sodding annoying. It started off well, myself enjoying the event along with the thousands of other people who thought "Cycle to Blackpool? That'll be a doddle." However, blue skies were to quickly turn to grey (figuratively and actually as it turned out) when my trusty Kona touring bike went toe to toe with a rusty nail and came out on the losing side. This was 30 minutes into the ride, not even past the M60 ring road around Manchester, and I found myself changing an inner tube (badly, may I add) whilst every other rider passed me by with no offer of help forwarded. Bastards.
Then, a whiles later, the bicycle procession had the misfortune to pass through that veritable hell on Earth, Preston. Which was the only point where the skies opened, because as with everything else, the weather is constantly shit in Preston.
Anyway, the cycle ended and Simon was safely found in Blackpool, 3 inner tubes used, 4 punctures encountered; sore legs and out of breath swearing were the orders of the day. Along with the phrase "never cycling again."

Which was a lie as it turned out, for a week later I was on my merry way to Chester, a far more pleasant ride, through country lanes, villages and cows. Delightful. Not even a mention of Preston the entire trip. Nothing much else to report on the Chester run, we set off, we cycled for a good while and then we arrived. End of story.

So, a rather gruelling 62 mile cycle followed by a less rigorous 53 mile jaunt. Not too bad, though I couldn't be confused with a serious cyclist. And my bike is starting to become more than just a rather cumbersome hallway ornament.

Golden Age of Jobbies and Whatsits

2010-06-25T09:50:00.004+01:00

So after many years of being content with not really being part of the technology age (actually, 'content' is probably not the right word- try 'downright smug'), I have now hit the proverbial gadget ground with a thud. Granted, I did have my desktop computer- how else would I have been able to communicate with all you lovely people otherwise?- but I was the one who would proclaim loudly that "yes, I know it's an old phone, but I don't need anything else", and "actually, I don't have television", and even "does anyone really need such clear images? Surely VHS was good enough?".

But alas, the last few months have seen the emergence of all sorts of electrical paraphernalia. I sit typing these words on my shiny new laptop, whilst the HD television brings the sound of cable TV into the house, and the iphone rests lovingly within reach. Added to this, a blu-ray player waits patiently in my Amazon basket and the DAB radio brings crystal clear football commentary to my ears.

Why such a change in technological philosophy? New credit card! That, and the fact that yes, images are better in high definition; yes, phones are better when the Internet can be accessed with ease; yes, perhaps even a little bit of tele can be appreciated (only for football mind, I still don't like having the idiot box in my home, that corrupter of minds and purveyor of garbage). Gadgets are good. I guess it's the way of all things, all homes will fill with these electrical whatsits, techno-jobbies will fill cupboards and boxes the length and breadth of the country. There is no escape from it (unless you live in North Korea that is) so it may as well be embraced.
Long live this golden age!

Nice Pics

2010-06-18T18:25:00.003+01:00

Having stumbled upon the blog after many long weeks away, I was glimpsing over previous entries and realised there is a distinct lack of pictures floating about. Mostly due to laziness, but nevertheless, I really should adorn my posts with a little bit of visual stimuli. The World Cup 2010 is currently underway, so perhaps that theme could be utilised. But that would just be going along with the crowd. I need to stand out, be an individual. How about some really eye-popping modern art? The only drawback, however, is that I subscribe to 'all art is useless', stolen right from the introduction to The Picture of Dorian Grey, so it wouldn't be fair to either myself or the art in question to follow that route. A nice cute picture of a kid? Not unless I want the rozzers after me for being in possession of child images.
So how about a half-naked lady? That'll do nicely.

Cheerio.

Meanderings and Mutterings for the New Age

2010-03-30T21:47:00.003+01:00

What a good title. Really like it. No idea what the rest of this blog will include, but the title sets it off at a reasonably steady pace. The only problem is I don't actually have anything to bring to the table. Nada. Not a sausage. So as you, dear reader, are already switching off and perhaps thinking about whats for tomorrows tea, I shall endeavour to churn out some of my usual crap.

Looking at the title, it seems to suggest that we are currently in the future. Which is a bit of a silly thing to say because if we are in the future then it is actually the present, but as soon as that conclusion is reached then it is in the past, and you find yourself embroiled in the Back to the Future time-line argument once again.
But maybe this is the 'new age'. It is after all 2010, and it is my first blog of said year (I know, I know, it's the end of March so the year is already a quarter of the way through, but you know what? Don't care) so we are now in a new decade of this new millennium, and technology is already at the point where it scares the be-jesus out of me.
Fair enough, we don't have flying cars but still, I used to consider myself no slouch when it came to computers, but what use is my knowledge of an Acorn BBC nowadays? Most kids in the western world have more inkling about whats going on online than I will ever have. Perhaps I hanker for a simpler time, when our lives weren't controlled by computers and mobile phones and ipods, although in saying this I do remember many times as a child when the electricity would go out (we lived in the country) and I would be determined to see out the darkness as painlessly as possible... and often reached for the TV remote. So maybe I'm not all that disconnected from technology after all.

The point of that long-winded, aimless story? No point. I'm sat at work and really bored so am just typing to keep my brain from crusting over. Honestly, 9 days straight in this place is enough to turn a nun to mass murder. Living between the walls in glorious isolation like Steve McQueen sat in the cooler- albeit without the baseball and glove, and perhaps a little less awesome. Not that sitting in solitary in a Nazi POW camp would be awesome. History and countless WWII films have taught me that. Mind you, I wouldn't mind being in the camp where Hogan and his heroes were interned. That seemed like fun. But perhaps not exactly historically correct...

Anyway, back to sense. Or as close as I can get. Alice in Wonderland is currently playing while I sit here banging out these words. Rubbish movie. Jumping on the whole 3D bandwagon. What I want to see is porn 3D. Now there's a money spinning idea if I ever heard one, 3D boobies and everything else, displayed in glorious digital. The people would come from miles around to see such a spectacle. Sure, that was the only reason Avatar was successful, wasn't it? The big blue girl alien kept revealing the slightest sight of a nipple in most of the scenes.

I'll leave you with that thought. I guess I should probably do a little bit of work, though I may just put my feet up and continue with Dickens' Hard Times. Thoroughly recommend it if you haven't had the pleasure.

Simon out.

Oh, by the way, in case you were wondering about tomorrows dinner (I started thinking about it as soon as I typed it, which is probably the reason for this blog being so 'shit'), I would just like to pass for the record that, all being well, I shall be having a burger in the Marble Arch pub. If you haven't had the experience, I urge you all to do so. The finest burger (and may I say chips) to be found in all the Greater Manchester area. Fact. The beer is pretty goddamn outstanding too.

ONLY 56 MORE SLEEPS TILL CHRISTMAS

2009-10-30T22:11:00.000Z

And so it begins again. Actually, it began about half way through September. The run up to Christmas. I could remain true to type and baa-humbug my way through this post, but I'm going to surprise you all ('you all' of course being that one Austrailian kid who's computer is on the blink and has left him with this bog as his homepage) by saying that I love this time of year. Love it. Even with lots to do betwixt now and then, such as two holidays and oodles of days at work, the power of Christmas is a wonderful time. The shortening of the days, the lengthening of the nights (obviously) and the chill in the air. then we have the wonder of the German Christmas Market, with all it's mulled wine and preserved meats, far too many people crammed into a small area, but hey! it's Christmas so everyone's happy dispite the crush.

Whoops, gotta go, leaving this piece unfinished and with probably terrible prose, but my time has come to an end and there is drinking to be done...

3 THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF

2009-10-26T12:45:00.003Z

Lets get one thing straight, right off the bat here. Lots of things piss me off. Granted, not as many as there used to, not since 'Simon's Philosophical Enlightening' (I may tell you of that someday, but then again, probably not) but still quite a few things. In fact, the number may well be growing once more with the onset of a new 'age decade'- hitting the 30 barrier commences the mind set of a grumpy old man and with it the feeling that you are right and everything else is too loud.

So, three things that piss me off. Why? Pretty much only because I'm sat at home on a wet and miserable day trying to kill the hours before trudging off to work. And the porn isn't working. Let's face it, why would I be sat here, typing inane paragraphs for you to, in turn, waste your time on if there was pornography to be a-viewing?

These aren't really the main things in life that piss me off, just a trio that I happened to get to thinking about yesterday while sat in work. There's none of the normal boring stuff I usually spout off about, such as organised religion or rap music, and in fact, two of these things more freak me out than piss me off. So already we can ascertain that the title is misleading and the content matter isn't terribly important. Oh boy. I really think one of two things should happen now. Either I should stop typing this drivel, or failing that, you should stop reading. If both of these fail, then I must set down the disclaimer:
"The author of this text does not accept any liability or responsibility should the passage be deemed woefully boring and not in the least bit funny."

Item the first:
Tails on people. Not so much a piss-me-off sort of item, but more something that really disturbs me, brought to the fore while watching the preview for James Cameron's new movie Avatar. Sure, it may be computer generated, and the fictional beings are actually alien life forms, not people, but the fact they are humanoid forms, walking around with tails on display is rather unsettling. Don't get me wrong, I love monkeys. Watching the cute little fellas, no matter what the species, is fun. But a different matter altogether if you put a man in a monkey suit. No sir, I can't be having that. Think of the kid from Jumanji, the one who turns into a monkey as a penalty for messing with the board. That section of a pretty harmless film is hard to watch. Because he has a tail.
Avatar, for all it's 'years in production' and 'moving boundaries of cinematic technology' is going to be an absolute nightmare to watch. People do not, should not have tails. It is wrong. So very very wrong.

Item the Second
Reproducing cartoons. I don't mean taking a cartoon character and making lots of copies of it, I mean a male character and a female character and cartoon kids being the end product. How sick must the cartoonist's mind be, imagining his creations with full functioning, anatomically present 'bits'? A recent example being the third Shrek installment where the two ogres start a family. Not only is that copulating cartoons, but it's obese, ugly cartoons having it off. Makes the skin crawl. And don't get me started on animated animals settling down to start a family, there is just way too much filth to comprehend!

Item the Last
A funny one this, as I've only just hit upon the fact that it irks me. Dream sequences in novels. Stay with me on this, let me explain. I'm a great lover of reading, nothing gets the cerebral juices sparking like a good book. But when you hit upon a great chapter, perhaps the pace picks up, maybe an important plot point comes close to being revealed, when all of a sudden the author chucks in a bloody dream passage. Very lazy and frequently filled with devices that have no bearing in the physical reality of the story. I don't remember my dreams. Dreams are not important for progression. They should not be used to, for example, show the lead character which way to turn or the next person that should be spoken with. It holds up the story and is a slack method for the author to try his hand at fantastical musings. Stop it.

Thought for the Day

2009-06-11T18:58:00.001+01:00

I wish I was caught up in a robot war with Megan Fox.

TERMINATOR SALVATION (proper review)

2009-06-07T19:33:00.009+01:00

"This was not the future my mother told me about..."

The groundwork had already been carefully prepared by Messrs Cameron and Schwarzenegger, the plot devices and story development penned masterfully. Even the blip of the not-so-great-but-still-enjoyable third installment didn't subtract from this rock steady franchise. We knew what the future held. It was going to be bleak but it was going to be an exciting, thrilling ride. Nothing could possible go wrong.

Except it did. It went very wrong. The first mistake was hiring a hack like the idiotically named 'McG' as director. Then running with a script that was a mess of ideas stolen from almost every other blockbuster in the last 10 years.

There really is very little of this film that could be praised. Set in 2018, the nuclear apocalypse and subsequent war with the robots which the first two Terminator installments whet our appetite for, is rudely crammed into a few very brief paragraphs at the beginning. John Connor, the hero of the film (portrayed by Christian Bale, still with the frog in his throat left over from playing Batman) is two dimensional and thoroughly unlikable and manages to come across from the outset as quite a inept soldier instead of the saviour the character is meant to be. Sam Worthington is Marcus, an executed prisoner who pops up in the ravaged future as a cyborg prototype (which strangely doesn't strike him as weird- I know if I were to suddenly wake up naked and covered in mud in a desolate war-torn environment, I might ask a question or two) but fails to inspire any feeling whatsoever. The story is based chiefly around saving young Kyle Reese from Skynet (the evil company-turned-humankind-destroyer), as Kyle needs to live in order to get sent back in time by Connor in order to be Connors father. All perfectly clear.

One main stumbling block about this whole scenario is the lack of a decent villain. There is no one to grip the viewer, to heighten the tension, which is precisely why the previous installments were so effective. The struggle is awfully one sided emotionally, and we can't really care about an angry, shouty John Connor. For a story that is about trying to save humanity, this film shows a notable lack of it.

There are many things wrong here, from the poor pacing of the story to the laughably inadequate defences Skynet has to offer, the lack of thought given to scenes (why would killer bike robots need a USB port on them anyway?) to bad dialogue- they also reuse key lines from the previous movies.
On the plus side, though, there were some pretty good explosions.

Terminator Salvation cheapens the franchise, and seems to assume that film goers are braindead morons by tacking in a shameful script around big set-piece action scenes. This film should be forgotten, and fast.

TERMINATOR SALVATION (false start review)

2009-06-05T11:09:00.006+01:00

Killing My Childhood, 1 Franchise at a Time.

That's what they're doing. And they aren't stopping, in fact the pace is picking up.
Where have all the ideas gone? It doesn't have to be an original idea, just as long as some movie hero or icon from my youth isn't defiled, rolled in dirt and shoved in my face.
I suspect, though, that the reasons for making these sorry excuses for movies are not just to piss me off. The bad news is that they make money, lots of money, and people will always come from far and wide to sit through the tripe. Hell, even Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Shit Script (or crystal skull, something like that) made a shed load of dough.

I have to moan about these things before getting to the actual review. This disease is bigger than just one film. Bad scripting and hopeless direction frequently plague what should be a triumphant return to the big screen for old favourites. When one of these ideas is being penned, would it not be a sensible thing to sit down first of all, think about the history of the film, think about those that have grown up with it, those who made it a success in the first place by going to the cinema and buying the VHS and perhaps the soundtrack and other merchandising. Is it too much to ask for the writers to think, "Why don't we write a good movie to continue the franchise?".
There is also the case of studio involvement, when the money men get their teeth sunk in. Personally, I think the best example of this is in Terminator (I seem to have abandoned the review for now, but will endeavor to churn it out soon) where a small, curly haired, mute black kid keeps popping up, only to get shouted at every now and again and hands a few items to other characters. I reckon that this kid was originally in the script as a dog. Stick with me now, it makes sense- a dog doesn't speak and can fetch things just as well as any kid, and would fit a whole lot better into a post-apocalyptic environment. So here we have a case of some suit demanding a black kid instead so he can tick his minority boxes. Possibly to keep at bay the crazy Americans who would have seen this as a glaring affront to their civil liberties and tried to sue. Or something equally silly.

Sometimes the flip-side is true too, however, and a stale franchise is reworked to positive effect, bringing a fresh, more up-to-date approach. Films such as the recent Batman movies, Star Trek and even The Hills Have Eyes, but these exceptions are more re-envisioning of the originals, and its plain to see time and effort have gone into the story and a director who knows what the hell he's doing, and knows the previous movies is taken on board.

With so many more remakes and reigniting of franchises in the pipeline, I fear that my childhood and adolescent movie experiences will be further dented as time marches on. Sometime in the future, even the remakes of those great films will be remade. This is the way of the Hollywood machine I suppose, and anyway, the greatest hurt has already happened, the greatest betrayal that could have befallen a boy who grew up though the 1980's. The magic of Star Wars has been killed off well and truly and still they flog the corpse.
We can now put a name to this infliction.
We can call it George Lucas Disease.

Fun and Games

2009-06-01T00:04:00.004+01:00

Quick, think of a number between 1 and 20. Got it? Okay, multiply that number by by 13. Then take away the original number and add 24. With me so far? The original number that you had, if you halve that and add on to the new number (if it was odd, then round UP to get your figure to add). Now, keep in mind this number that you now have, we will be going back to it.
Now it gets a little tricky. Add up the ages of both your parents and divide that number by the amount of letters in your pets name (if more than one pet, use the oldest). With this total, subtract 5 and multiply by 29. Then add the other number to this total and subtract a quarter of the total of words in this post. All done? Now write that down, slip it into an envelope and mail it to someone who actually cares. I don't.

Vicious Cycle

2009-05-30T13:47:00.003+01:00

Summer is here once more! The world finally steps out of the harsh shadow cast by that tyrant, Spring (lets face it, Spring is not like the poems and stories of old, all lambs jumping and grass growing. No, Spring is rain. All the bloody time. Miserable wet rain). The birds are now all singing their merry songs, beer gardens get to be pleasant places to sit again, and all the girls start wearing very little. Summer is here.

At this juncture I could point out that my job requires me to sit between the walls of a huge cave-esque building under neon tubes of fake light, while the rest of you folk dance and drink and bask under the loving rays of Mr Sun (no, not Yoshimoto Sun the Japanese entrepreneur, but rather the life giving Sun up on high who bathes us all with golden goodness) and sip all manner of alcoholic beverages to heighten the already exultant mood. But no. I will not go down that path. I will not moan or gripe or grumble in this post, the Sun lightens the mood and will not permit it. And besides, having read through my last blog, there was enough acidity and complaining to fill up the yearly quota on sourness.

I have recently purchased a mode of transport that will allow me to fully appreciate this wonderful season- the pride of Victorian England, the cheapest way to travel, friend to the environment: the humble bicycle. Well, maybe I shouldn't call it humble, the thing cost enough. Two wheels, an open road and a passion for the grand green canvas known in many walks of life as 'the country'. I can almost smell the fresh air as my mind pictures cycling through lush valleys filled with the sounds of nature. And then i remember I live in England and have to be content with the ceaseless thunder of cars and the unforgiving stench of exhaust fumes (Sorry, moaning again. Will try and curb it as much as possible but it just comes naturally).

The bike in question is a fantastic touring chap, a Kona Sutra 2008. Blue, for those that want to know. I would include pictures, but that may elevate this blog post from 'pointless' to 'really sad'. Maybe next time.
After a journey from the bustle of Manchester to the quaintness of Marsden, it is now a matter of some importance to invest in a few cycle accessories. Like a map. Got horribly lost at most points, and created more of a zig-zag route than a straight line. Also need a helmet to keep mothers consternation's down and possibly to avoid death.

Bit of a Rant

2009-03-26T15:07:00.005Z

D'you know what's rubbish?

A very pertinent question indeed, and even though I hear you audibly groan and think "Here he goes again", I shall persevere. What exactly am I talking about when I ask 'What is Rubbish'? Obviously I don't like much, that's pretty clear, but I am 30 years of age and feel inclined to have a go at things. Now, I could say 'everything' pisses me off, but that would make me the most miserable sod on the planet. Lots of things are rubbish though, and right now I would like to focus on one particular venomous swine. So like it or not, Simon is going to have a jolly good gripe.

The Tax Man. Even the most macabre scribe would fail to come anywhere close to this vile devil, a being so utterly despicable that children whimper in fear and grown men tremble and cry in his wake. Bizarrely, he even seems to be above the law, the thieving bastard. Think of it; I do my time between the walls, earning my way, doing my 40-odd hours per week. At the end of the month the wage slip comes along and instead of a merry "Good amount earned this time round, the first drinks are on me chaps!", the first frenzied exclamation is "He took HOW MUCH??!!". The 'He' in question is of course that foul smelling character, the Tax Man. Of course, Mr Tax Man himself states that the taxes are required to fund a great many public sector services, like the Police and the Fire Brigade and the NHS. Fair enough. I'll happily donate a portion of my hard earned wages to fund these vital departments. But if I am stumping up the money for them, why can't the government get their heads out of their asses and run them f***king properly?
Instead, mismanagement runs rampant, strange rules and guidelines are invented that hamper productivity and the country continues to go straight down the proverbial toilet. Youths clad in sinister tracksuit uniforms roam the streets spreading intimidation and destruction. Hospitals find themselves lacking supplies and beds, turning patients away and underpaying badly needed staff.

Before I go on, if anyone does come across this blog and decides to (God knows why) read the bloody thing, as a disclaimer to the comments stated here I would like to point out that I actually know bugger all about the workings of Taxes. I don't know the full extent of where they go, I don't know how the classifications are worked out and I certainly have no clue about the authorities behind them. All I know (and care about) is that someone somewhere takes a cut from my wages and I don't bloody like it. Mind you, along with other taxes, we still have to pay National Insurance too, which is a bit of a joke as the way the economy is headed, there won't be a state pension when I finally get round to retiring.

And what about the amount of tax payer money pumped into social services? Things like Job seekers Allowance. That really pisses me off. I am not proud to say that I once went on the dole before, times were tight and jobs were scarce, but I got the feeling I was getting the rough end of the stick because I was actually looking for a job. Far too many dossers sitting around all day and drawing on benefits (source material: tabloid newspapers). In my view, that is to say in the view of someone reasonably secure in employment, the Government needs to take a much firmer stand against anyone looking for a handout. You want free money because you can't find work? Screw you, look harder. You want free money because you can't work due to illness? Screw you, prove it. Easy. True, some people are genuinely incapacitated due to disabilities or injuries or the like, that should be reasonably straight forward to deal with, but everyone else can grab a shovel and start diggin'. Oh yeah, 'stress' and 'depression'? Not proper reasons. Go take a walk in the country and learn to goddamn smile more. (Disclaimer: once again, these views may not necessarily be the views of the blogger so don't hold me to them).

Well, I have spouted of a good deal, some of which which makes sense, some which doesn't, and some which will probably annoy a few folk. Nothing like a good rant. Next time, i think I'll have a pop at organised religion. Or rap music. I like this game.

Post Paddy Blues

2009-03-18T18:23:00.003Z

Ahh, the 18th of March. Not really anything to point out about it, it's not special or magical or unique (unless you are a big fan of Queen Latifa who turns a year older on this day of days), it could in fact be one of those days that just pass you by without making much of a fuss. However, the 18th of March comes right after the 17th of March (the more astute readers may have figured this out already, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of catchup for the rest. And the Americans) and the 17th is of course St Paddy's day, which means that today is probably one of the special days of the year when most of the western world is nursing one huge hangover.

And, despite promising myself to restrict the booze intake, I am no exception.

Now, where hangovers are concerned, I must say that I'm not too bothered about that thudding behind the eyes as long as I'm warm, have nice food and can lounge about for most of the day. Maybe even a trip to the supermarket. Brilliant places, supermarkets. Nice and bright with lots of colour, very safe and they don't even charge you to get in! Bargain! I especially love the condiments section, loads of bottles and jars and the like... I digress however, so to recap- hangovers are not so bad as long as the day is geared to the recovery.

But on the flip side of this coin we have days like today. Upon waking, you find that all the lights in the house are still burning bright, you did make it to bed but seem to have forgotten to get out of your clothes and the contact lenses that you have neglected to remove from your peepers are now quite dry and the eyes are starting to go 'a bit crusty'. Worse than that, you realise that work is imminent and the twelve hour shift will not magically disappear if you just stay in bed. So, unceremoniously throwing your world-weary bulk out of bed, its a quick dress (or a least as fast as the head will permit. And a good deal more swearing too) and out the door without a wash, breakfast or much in the way of sense.

Twelve hours is a long time. And when hungover, it's roughly five times as long (worked that one out with a very calculated equation). So the thing to do is make sure that everyone else knows you are hungover by moaning and griping and generally being a bitter and resentful person, so that they will wish, almost as much as you do, that you were not in work that day.

Oh, by the way, if my mum should be reading this, it's not about me, I definitely wasn't drinking last night.

And one more thing; with regards to supermarkets, I do love the places, but not the supermakets in Sweden. They are rubbish.

Still Here

2009-03-16T09:58:00.002Z

Hey, guess what?

I have finally tracked down the username for this Blog and managed to log in!

We are now in the year 2009, I have turned 30 and the economy is heading straight to hell.

More posts are sure to follow...

Watch this space.

Chinese Simon

2008-04-08T15:08:00.002+01:00

See! China! That's the Pearl Tower just across the water, a very iconic building in Shanghai , and those are real Chinese people! Lots more photos somewhere, but thought I would chuck this fella in there just to prove my words.

"He'll not get there any quicker..."

2008-04-08T15:05:00.000+01:00

Bloody Hell! Where is the year going? It's already a good dent into April , though the snow outside would belie that fact, and it hardly seems any time since I was off to Shanghai at the end of January. Oh yes, I had promised to tell you all about that, didn't I? Even show you photographs and what not. Well, as far as the photos are concerned, they are still on Mr Peters laptop, haven't quite got round to transferring them yet. And as for a blow by blow description about the trials and tribulations of Simon's trip to the Orient, well I'll sum it up with three F's:

Food

Fireworks

Freezing

Food was amazing, and hardly the same dish was returned to the whole holiday, bar a few exceptions such as dumplings (little bags of yum) and big mac. Yes, that's right, McDonald's. Not out of any "I have to have western fast food, I can't stand it any longer" mentality, but rather for the novel 'getting it delivered at 1 in the morning'. Sheer brilliance. Along with beer of course. Of which lots was consumed.As it was Chinese new year, Shanghai was full of explosions and lights with every living soul blowing shit up for fun. Probably an ancient, mystical reasoning behind the whole fireworks malarkey but essentially it's people blowing shit up. And very impressive it was too.My holiday also coincided with the coldest winter seen in Shanghai in over 50 years. Add my brothers heating not working, stick Simon in the coldest room imaginable and you get one freezing holiday. It was a cracking vacation but I don't recall ever being as cold for as long in my life.Lots of stories and experiences that I could recant but I am quite lazy, the growing time between blogs testament to that, so you will have to make do with what little I have typed.

Really, the only thing I have been up to recently (as well as spending working hours between walls) is playing the magnificent war opus that is Call of Duty 4. Having dedicated a good slice of my waking hours to the game, I can say without hesitation that i was born to shoot people in the head. Well, not really, but nothing this year has tickled me as much as getting that precise head shot from the other side of the map with my M40A3 sniper rifle. Sad? Yes. Pathetic? Its definitely on the border. But I don't have a girlfriend and money is tight so what else am I meant to do?

Also in the Simon news of late, the shock story of the missing facial hair! The beard is gone, at least for the time being. Will it return? A resounding YES, for i do miss it so. But when? That is the question. And one that is unanswerable at present. My face is cold and I look strange, but we'll try out this situation for a little while, see if it pays off.Anyway, at work at present and those films won't start themselves (actually, they could. I'm not as important as i like to let on).

Birthday Gumption

2008-01-29T05:37:00.000Z

So. 29th of January. An ominous date indeed. This is the year my age finally catches up with the date it was set. Took a long time coming, but 29 years normally does. That's one less than thirty, but I suppose the important thing to remember is that it is NOT thirty. Not for another year at least. Naturally, I will still continue to tell people that I am 24. And will still be a long time from now, thank you very much.

Well, its 5am in the morning, and sleep appears to be evading me. Perhaps its down to anxiety of turning another year towards the great beyond, or else it's down to excitement of an encroaching trip to china. Or maybe I just drank too much whiskey last night, and could do with a little H2O. Whatever finds me up at this hour, it has prompted me to add to my much ignored blog, probably because there isn't a whole lot else you can do at this time.

Lets take a look at where I am in this game we like to call 'life'. At the age of 29, many people are firmly settled into families, careers, pension schemes and mortgages. Many people, but not all. I could go through that rather rudimentary list and check them off against myself, but I can tell you right now you won't find a good match anywhere. I don't have a girlfriend, I work in a job that is ultimately going to be whittled down (that's projectionist, for those not in the know, and with the advancement of the digital age, times ahead could prove tough), I am not a property owner, and I can't even drive. I do however have myself a whole lot of debt.
But wait, this isn't right, is it? I shouldn't be looking at negative aspects, especially on my birthday. Sure, it's easy to go through and state what I don't have, but what about what I do have? Great family, great friends, a fine appreciation of Scotch and a bloody excellent beard, so with the risk of sounding like a Hallmarks card message, those things make me a rich man (well, the first two. And possibly the beard). Still, it would be nice to have a bit less debt. And as for company, I think I'll get myself a dog.

Now, the more astute of you ('you' being the unknown reader, as I like to think that someone out there in the vast virtual world should happen upon my scribblings) will have probably read the line mentioning China and thought "tell me more". Well even if you didn't, I will just assume you did. Yes, China; Shanghai to be exact. I know that in this day and age, many people travel all over the world, see many of the glorious sights and secrets that the myriad different civilisations and peoples have to offer. Hell, even my parents and sister have been to China before. But I haven't. So its very exciting. And as I will be meeting up with my twin brother just 2 days after our birthday, it means more celebrations. Then a few days after that, it is Chinese New Year, so yet another shindig or two. It could shape up to be a very lively holiday indeed. And lets not overlook the fact that I have a glorious 2 weeks off of work!

Anyway, the time has ticked on quite a bit, and perhaps I am taking up too much of your time. Have to go back to bed anyway. I wish that I could promise an update of my holiday, a quick run through of the crazy escapades that were embarked upon at a later date, but given my inability to get down the last holiday report (to Octoberfest), don't hold your breath. I mean, it's almost February, and have I even mentioned Christmas? No. Although I'm sure that was fun too. Really must write this stuff down, for my sake more than yours.
I'm getting old you know...

Update

2007-11-02T15:23:00.000Z

Right, well, the date is now the 3rd of November, so a fair bit of time has passed since my last entry which was on the ... 7th of August. Hmm. I suppose the few people who did check my blog have long since shuffled on to pastures new.

Lets look back on those missing months, and try to deduce whether my time was spent wisely and to the fullest, or if I have important lessons to learn , and alter it accordingly.

August

The premiership kicked off once again, and along with it the (probably) best fantasy football league too. Mr Moodies short tenancy at Chateau Bridgewater ended when he shouldered his backpack and set sail to the far reaches of civilisation in eastern Asia. Miss Lundgren turned one step closer to the great beyond, seeing in her 21st birthday with not just a few drinks (see pic), and I'm sure that some stuff happened in the news.

I worked, of that I am sure, but August was a fair while ago, so the memory escapes me just at this time.

September

Football continued, and I had the first holiday of the season, taking a trip back to merry old Northern Ireland for a handful of days. With Ally in tow, and little sis Jeni back from across the world, we set off in exploration mode to travel all the way to... Donegal (well it is in another country...). A splendid time was had by all upon my return home, much rum was consumed by Jeni and myself, and a cultural trip around the north coast and to the strange lands of the Giants Causeway.

The rest of September was pretty much work work work, but it was not too bad, as anticipation was starting to rise with a coming trip...

October

So with October, Oktoberfest in Munich!!! And dear God, it is the greatest place on the face of the Earth, a beer drinkers Mecca. In the land of beer and sausage, the jovial drunk is king! Have been meaning to write about the week spent there, and will endeavor to do so at a later date, before the memory fades like so many others, but at this time I would like to say that it held some of the finest holiday moments, coupled with not so fine- as myself and Jonny thought it would be a good idea to spend all seven nights there in a tent. Three nights in a tent would have sufficed. Four would definitely be pushing the boundaries. Seven nights is way past the very notion of being 'a bit too long'. Still, most of those nights were (sorry mum) spent in hapless drunken slumber, with only the mornings to contend with. But the actual Oktoberfest is a veritable feast for the eyes, an enormous mass of people, all merry and drinking, either munching on the many delicacies on offer (mostly sausage related), screaming with delight on funfair rides (there is nothing more fun in this world than drunken dodgems), or singing and drinking inside one of the many cavernous beer tents (see pic).

One thing is for sure: I will be back. Since coming home, I have a thirst for learning German (still to actually start, but the notion is there) and now want to end my days in Munich. If anyone has any ideas how I would go about making that happen, I would be very appreciative.

Now, since returning from Germany, I seem to have taken up residence between the walls of

the cinema, working all hours that God/Alla/Buddha/Whatever sends, so when the 30th of

October rolled around, it was glad tidings all round as Ally and myself met up with Jeni in Stoke-on-Trent to travel to... wait for it... Alton Towers!! Yay! And much fun was had. Few crowds meant that we were queuing for hardly any time at all, and managed to squeeze in more fun than there are rice crispies in a cereal box.

So, conclusions?

I work too much. Think I knew that already.

Hub-you-like

2007-08-07T18:41:00.000+01:00

Have spent most of my day off trying to crack my BT hub. The cheeky buggers at British Telecom send you a free wireless hub when you sign up for their ridiculously high priced BT Broadband package. So when the good people from TalkTalk came calling, I jumped at the chance of almost halving my bills. Actually that's not totally correct- on a day off about a month ago they knocked on the door, and i am that gullible that i was signing contracts and grinning an inane grin in no time. Think the salesman's ploy was to bring an attractive female 'trainee' with him. Clever bastards.

Anyway, the BT hub in question doesn't work with any provider except for BT, but because it was serving me well for the few months I had it, and the fact I'm a cheap bugger and so don't want to splash out on a new wireless router, I have been online looking for ways in which to bend this moulded white plastic technology brick to my ways. And it was all going very smoothly, I had downloaded flash programmes to change the settings, backed up all the ISP's, checked out possible different DHCP's, and spent the first few hours reading what all those bloody letters and computer-wordies stood for. Didn't have a clue.
But had myself a step-by-step list of how to go about it. And go about it I did. Until I hit that inescapable 'error' message that always stands in my way.

So the plan now?
Buy myself a wireless router and admit defeat.

Not all bad though, I have been inside most of the day listening to the new CD I purchased. Had been eyeing it up for a while now and decided to spend the £12 asking price- could I have got it cheaper anywhere else? Definitely. But this was an 'impulse buy' and our national economy would be in a worse of state without that. So I was helping the economy. So it's all good.
The CD in question? The Essential Eagles Collection. And it's bloody marvelous so there.

2007-08-06T18:38:00.000+01:00

Was sitting at work, not paying attention to what was going on, when suddenly I realised just how great G17 was. Just rolls of the tounge, and sounds great as it does so. G17. So simple, yet so powerful.

Cloverfield

2007-08-05T12:14:00.000+01:00

Now, I don't know if anyone actually checks out this blog anymore, given my inability to add to it (it just feels like too much hard work), and although promises of new, up to the minute posts are continuously being made, alas they appear made only to be broken.
But here's a little trailer for you: the new mystery film from 'Lost' creator J J Abrams, although the mystery in question is not the set genre, but the what the actual film is. With no film name, except for the working title of 'Cloverfield', a teaser trailer has sent bloggers and film buffs into melt down. Looks good, hope its not going to be shit.

Cloverfield Trailer

Back Again

2007-07-27T18:09:00.000+01:00

Right, look. I know I promised to start a film review post every time I saw a new film, and I have seen a fair few since the last entry: Transformers, The Simpson's, Harry Potter 5, Oceans 13, etc., but the thing is, after I had written the first few, it became almost like work, so I just avoided it. I sat down many a time to continue, but my mind just wandered (not that it wanders at work you understand, just in case my boss reads this. Diligence and professionalism all the way where that is concerned...) and I found myself looking at very boring and pointless things just to fill in time so I could think 'ah well, too late to do it now.' Pathetic, isn't it. But I must confess my laziness, just so I can begin adding to the blog again, it has been pretty much the whole sodden month of July since that last happened.

So, the last month: I worked, it rained. But developments happened, at least on the console front. Yesterday, I had a sum of money burning a proverbial hole in my pocket (rent money) so I took myself into Virgin and, armed with a fake student card for discount, purchased myself a Wii. Fabulous little box of tricks and in no way a waste of hard earned cash (honest mum).
I can imagine lots of fun and laughter to come in the homestead, tears of joy and shouts of frustration. I will just try not to break things when the I mix playing on the Wii with my whisky collection (which is going quite well, thank you for asking, under the careful guidance and suggestion of my grandfather). And mum, if you do read this, the Wii is a very clever piece of equipment that can be mistaken for real exercise, so don't worry. It's healthy.

So I am now off to play said Wii, and if anybody out there in Internet land has one, then come play with Mii. (sorry for leaving you with such a bad play on words, but I couldn't resist!)

The Finest Collection of Drinkables (the beginning)

2007-07-03T18:03:00.000+01:00

Ha! My collection of fine whiskies has started. Well, when I say started, I mean I have a few bottles so far, one of which is actually empty and another getting there. Don't think I will ever have too many (full) bottles all at the same time. O well, I shall have fun drinking them. And if anyone feels the need to send me the odd bottle now and again, I shall not stand in your way. Peter, that Redbreast looks mighty tempting, it may not be with us for much longer...

2007-07-02T22:50:00.000+01:00

Right, as I have been working lots for the past 8 days, I haven't had the chance to see any more films, so I guess it's time for the old classic fill-in method, The List.

Today's List: Top 5 Movies this Year (so far)

5. Die Hard 4.0

Kicks ass, and then some. See previous review.

4. The Host (Gwoemul)

Korean monster flick that could be argued was from last year, but it only made it to the big screens over here in February. Broke all the B-movie rules, and was a jolly entertaining film.

3. Black Book (Zwartboek)

Very long German World War 2 movie from Paul Verhoeven about a Jewish girl who escapes from, and later infiltrates Jerry. And because its Mr Verhoeven, there's the usual bit of nudity too.

2. 300

Has to be seen, of course, in IMAX for full, edge-of-seat, knuckle-clenching, action-soaked greatness. Nice simple story- movie starts, king has a bit of sex, then they go to war. And kill lots of Persians. Lots and lots.

1. Sunshine

Danny Boyle sci-fi movie, visually stunning and has to be heard with a decent sound system to get the full effect. This film blew me away like no film has done for a long long time and at one point I literally was on the edge of my seat. In my opinion it will stay in my number one position for the rest of the year. Cheers, Mr Boyle!

Well, this was a quickly compiled list, and if I thought about it more, I would change the order and probably most of the films, but my pizza's nearly done and I'm off to watch the telly.

Shutter

2007-06-28T12:11:00.000+01:00

Shutter is a Thai horror along the same vein as Ring or Dark Water, and it concerns a young couple who are disturbed by strange images appearing on photos they have taken. Most of the images appear as smears, but the odd ghostly face does pop up.

Now, when I say 'along the same vein as...' what I really mean is that is is very, very similar to the other Asian horrors. Most of the jumps and scares come from familiar devices; a bloody face suddenly appearing in the frame: check; lights flickering and going out: check; evil looking young Asian girl with long hair slowly crawling out of something towards terrified onlooker: check.

This movie has the same 'seen it many times before' feel to it for most of the way, and with a plot device just clinging on for dear life (or afterlife). But, again like its peers, the end goes a long way to make up for the downfalls in the journey. Would really like to type more about it, but if you ever do get to see this movie (being a low key Asian horror, its not likely to get a major release so those who frequent Omagh cinema, don't hold your breath) I wont spoil the climax.

It was made in 2004 so is probably out in many countries already as some foreign movies take a while to get to these shores.

Worth a watch? Really only if you like to compare your Asian horrors and play 'spot the difference'. Is it scary? Well, I did watch it late at night, alone in a large, dark auditorium, with the whole of a 20 screen cinema to close by myself afterwards. So I'm going to say I was 'a little bit jumpy'.

Die Hard 4.0

2007-06-27T15:55:00.001+01:00

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. THE SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER IS ALIVE AND WELL.

Just when all hope was beginning to slip away, when expectations had been cut down time after time, be it the bitter disappointment left by Spider-man 3, or the confused bewilderment felt after three+ hours of Pirates of The Caribbean: At Worlds End, along comes an old friend to show that the world is still going onwards.

The fourth installment of Die Hard, with Bruce Willis back in the driving seat as John McClane, is an action-packed, explosion-filled, roller coaster ride of fun and excitement that has been lacking in the big hitters so far. Its as good as the original, and it feels like it increases in size the same as the others: the original in a tower building, the next an airport, then a city, this installment takes in a large portion of the eastern seaboard of the USA. The set pieces within the movie increase in strength and intensity as the story marches relentlessly onwards and all the while Brucey delivers the expected kick-ass witty one liners. He's older, balder and a lot less agile, but that doesn't matter in the slightest as he jumps from speeding vehicles, jumps onto speeding vehicles and gets thrown about by explosion after explosion. He kills a helicopter with a car for christs sake! Its also good to see that he hasn't gained any morals during the absence.

The story of Die Hard 4.0 sees an evil guy bringing the US to its knees via computers and the Internet. Then john McClane saves the day. By shooting lots of people and blowing shit up, the old fashioned way of doing things. And long may it last says I. Still haven't stopped smiling since seeing it, not only the best Blockbuster this year to date, but one of the most enjoyable movies of the year. So much action in it, I felt knackered when it ended. The standard has been set, the competition so far has been decimated by this Adrenalin charged blockbuster. It now lies with Transformers to put up a fight...

Hostel Part 2

2007-06-27T14:34:00.000+01:00

Another sequel. For those not in the know, the original Hostel movie was about a two college friends taking a trip to a hostel in Slovakia and ending up as gore fodder for rich folk seeking their ultimate thrill: to torture and murder backpackers (maybe not only backpackers, but current movie trends suggests these unwitting participants are the main targets). With a strong mix of gratuitous pornography and gore, it doesn't exactly make the best film for a first date. Oops. Maybe that's why she never called again...

The writer and director of Hostel and, indeed, Hostel part 2, is Eli Roth. The only problem here being that Mr Roth's main strengths don't seem to lie with writing and directing. The original was marketed on the gore content and torture scenes, and knocked The Chronicles of Narnia off the #1 spot at the box office; a scary peek at the mindset of the populace.

The sequel has been marketed on... er... the gore content and torture scenes, but this time its a little different. The sales pitch could have gone something like this: "Imagine Hostel again. But this time, lets have girls instead of guys!" That's about the height of the change. Those movie-making guys, they've got smarts.

Okay. At least with girls we have a bit more eye candy to watch, right guys? Well, with very little nudity, bar the odd bit of full frontal male and one scene later on, it doesn't challenge in that respect (honestly mum, I wasn't watching out for any rude bits). What we have is another poorly scripted group of characters walking into stupid predicaments. Haven't we learnt by now that eastern Europe is no place to go? They all wear black leather jackets with dark clothing, have shaven heads and insane glints in their eyes, don't they?

I have to say that I thought this film was a bit better than its predecessor, it had another angle on the gruesome goings-on by following characters on the other side, those that pay for the pleasure of the killing, and an interesting death scene involving a bath, a scythe and two naked women. However, more than just whether it was a case of 'liked it' or 'hated it' Hostel 2 raises the interesting debate about what is acceptable.

Now, I'm not one for censorship, but with a film like this, where do you draw the line? If this were some hard-to-get film like the infamous movies from the 70's and 80's, then okay. Most people would have to search hard before coming across those gore-soaked classics. But the fact that it is a pretty major, well-marketed release is a worrying sign of the times. There is a trend of pushing the boundaries, making movies as shocking as possible that is starting to, in my opinion, get out of hand. Movies such as Hostel, Saw, Captivity and Paradise Lost contain torture and murder for the sake of torture and murder. Even 10 years ago these movies would not have been granted a release, whereas now they are major players in this new horror sub genre. I'm not saying they should be banned or censored, I happen to like these sorts of movies, but with society in general getting more and more hostile and violent, maybe its time to re-analyse. Or perhaps I'm getting too old.

Shrek the Third

2007-06-27T13:43:00.000+01:00

Oh, now here's a question. Where to begin my first review? Will I be kind as this is the first movie to come under my scrutiny? Or should I be harsh to the point of cruelty? So many angles to consider, so many words that could be used. Shall we start with the jumpy and threadbare storyline? Or perhaps look at the take-the-money-and-go voice acting? How about a nice sentence that would sum up the film in one breath: "Running out of steam very quickly ." There we are. A nice, short, easily-digestible soundbite for you.

This sentence is applicable to both the movie itself and to the Shrek franchise as a whole. The trilogy started well, introducing us to new characters set in the loner-saves-girl-gets-friends mould. It played the fairytale angle nicely and to great humour, and was a pioneer into the now familiar world of Computer Generated movies. The second took on from this and went a little bit bigger, although still relied an mostly the same formulae as the first. The third just peddles out the same with much less of the funnies. The characters whip out their catchphrases, dance their dance, and play their role. But we as an audience just don't care. It is, at best, an add-on for the second, but not a stand alone film.

The film opens with the main protagonists from the previous adventures (Shrek, Donkey, Puss in Boots, and Shrek's Lady Friend) they deliver a few jokes, pull a few faces and then its all downhill from there. Chuck in an 'adventure' that teeters on the adventureless, a weaker than weak character voiced by Justin Timberlake (just to pull in the lady vote) and so many morals that you feel like watching Barney the Dinosaur just for some relief. Mike Myers' annoying Scottish accent comes and gos, and he just gives the impression that he wished he had never come up with it in the first place. Not even cameo voices from two python old boys, Messrs Cleese and Idle, can up the comedy tempo from 'not moving'.

So in conclusion, if you did not get the gist from the above text, one to definitely miss.

All New Film Review. See it Here, See it Now!

2007-06-27T13:18:00.001+01:00

The time has come, dear friends, to share with you (and, of course, the world) my views and opinions on recent movie releases. I do this not because I want to, but because it has been demanded of me, by a power greater than can be contemplated, a force almost... Holy. I do it because... well, I do it because I have nothing else to do with my time, and I get to see most movies for free and before their cinematic release.

This Summer has seen a fair few Blockbusters already, with the likes of Spider-man 3, Fantastic Four 2, Pirates 3 (where have all the original ideas gone?) and others, with lots more on the way, so I think I may as well throw in my 2 cents worth and have a stab at guiding you good people towards cinema bliss by avoiding all the tripe out there (in that case then, so far it's probably better you sat at home and watched the grass grow than visit your local multiplex).

So sit back and check out whats on offer. You don't have to like what I type, you don't have to even read what I type, but just make sure that you look both ways before crossing the road, and always look out for oncoming traffic.

Blast from the (recent) Past

2007-06-11T13:10:00.000+01:00

Went on to Mr Wrights blog and stole this little ditty from new year.

Dancing on the Hill

Put here for the records as I was trying to find it the other day for someone but couldn't.

Fly the Flag

2007-06-11T12:32:00.000+01:00

Peter posted this as well, but seeing as he nicked it off me (I stole it from someone else, but that's not important right now), it is my right, nay, my obligation to post it on my site. Because it is a cracking picture.

If someone, and the chances are pretty slim, wanders across this blog and doesn't understand the meaning behind this pic, it stems from the Northern Ireland football supporters and the chant "We're not Brazil, we're Northern Ireland", because as you're probably aware, the teams are quite similar. They both play in green. Except Brazil, who play in yellow. And are both pretty high up the Fifa rankings; one maybe not as close as the other, but still, pretty close. The most significant difference is that Northern Ireland have playing for them the most prolific striker in international football. HEALY! HEALY! So no, We're not Brazil, We're Northern Ireland.

Can't think of a witty title...

2007-06-11T12:02:00.000+01:00

Bloody hell, the 11 of June. When did that happen? I mean, its over a week since I updated my blog but I could swear that I updated it only yesterday. Many apologies to the wizened old man and his goat in the middle of Luxembourg who I'm sure are now the only readers of this forum d'ridiculous.

Well, I guess that I haven't been updating as frequently because since the last Blog I have been in work every day. Some good shifts were had, some horrible shifts were had. Like Saturday when I woke up on a couch in the middle of Withington, with only 30 minutes to get to work, a banging head and curry spilled all over my favourite shirt. Mm, that fabulous madras and beer smell all shift. Wonderful. Sunday was a long one from 11.30 in't morning to 12.40 that night. It may be a sign of my (not so young anymore) age, but my feet hurt today, so I am not going to leave the house. And I might not tomorrow either. The reason for this is a wonderful WEEK OFF WORK! Ohh joy of joys. I do have a lot to do, such as haircut and all sorts of financial whoo-haas to sort, but dammit, I am going to sit in my pants all day and enjoy the hot weather.

Mother and Father arrive over in the exotic climes of Manchester on Thursday, and while I hope they enjoy the visit to this historic and colourful city, I hope they take me out of this stinking, festering cesspit of so-called 'civilisation' for a few days at least. It is lovely weather though. As I found out when I went to pour milk into my morning coffee and discovered the heat had transformed it into a new sort of thick, slimy 'matter' instead. Thank you Summer. That's a point to you.

Oh yes, went to a Tom McCrae gig on Saturday evening. He's the fella I travelled down to London to check (refer to earlier blog). Was fantastic gig, lasted two hours. I was thoroughly sick of standing by the end of it, as was Ally, but great stuff. Although I still owe Mr John Bardsley the ticket money. Paying for stuff takes the fun out of stuff. And on that inspirational and insightful quote, I shall take my leave.
Until next time...

Buxton. Where they make the water.

2007-06-03T00:03:00.000+01:00

Dear God. It's June. When did that happen? That means it is now almost half way through the year. That is a thought not worth thinking.

Anyhow, today was a day off, and as the weather was smiling and I haven't been out of Manchester much this year, the fair Ally and myself headed to the charming village that is Buxton, where they have the world famous Buxton Spa (it is world famous, it says it on the website. Although Mum hadn't heard of it. Couldn't be that famous then) and the equally famous water. In saying that though, the Spa is probably famous because of the water, so maybe that's one point instead of two... oh, who cares, it's not a game anyway (but just for the record, I win).
There were trees and grass a-plenty, lots of older folk and an air of not Manchester. Brilliant. We walked for quite a time through the quaint-but-expensive-to-live-in looking streets and made our way to Pooles Cavern, where we had an informative foray into 'the most spectacular showcase cave in Britain'. Which was nice. Lots of stalactites and stalagmite's to look at. After that a bit more walking until food.
In this very pleasant town- and pleasant is the right world- we encountered one scally who, as he cycled past, shouted out "Hello. I'm very happy today." Not quite the extreme obscenities that we're used to in Manchester.
Tomorrow we travel even further- to Rusholme! (which is in Manchester, but is a whole lot more 'exotic')

Behind these eyes, one finds only darkness...

2007-05-29T12:30:00.000+01:00

...THESE ARE THE EYES OF A PSYCHOPATH

This Halloween, along with the usual serving of the next Saw movie, we have yet another remake of a classic horror. John Carpenters 'Halloween' has been remade. Before you start groaning and rolling the eyes at yet another remake (although a lot of horror remakes have been surprisingly good, see 'Hills Have Eyes' and 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'), this film is being made by Rob Zombie, bringer of the gems 'House of 1000 Corpses' and 'The Devils Rejects'. Now these movies may not be the most brilliantly directed, and some of the scenes are over long and disjointed, but they are as gory and scare-filled as you like, so check out this trailer and have a bit of a look-see:

Halloween Trailer

Day off

2007-05-29T12:06:00.000+01:00

Ahhh, a day off work. Not that I was meant to have a work free day, but I gave away my shift because I am sick of being in that place. All the bloody time. Although, truth be told, I had to take off today to go and pay bills and rent and everything. So it isn't going to be the most fun-filled day ever. "Here you are, nice people, take over half of all the money I have in the world. I don't mind." Bastards, if you pardon the language.

Anyway, my day should be filled with lots of doing stuff, and journeying far and wide. But I will probably sit on the computer for most of it before I realise that time is almost up for bill paying, and then a quick run into town followed by a celebratory beer. Then get up tomorrow for work. Always the case.

But for now, as I start the 'sitting idly by the computer' phase, I will listen to some country/folk music on Pandora whilst waiting for Peter to come online for a game of checkers.

Champions League Final

2007-05-24T09:43:00.000+01:00

Well, the Champions league final has now come to pass and it was a far better game than the FA cup final. Although it still wasn't the best game ever, and the wrong team won (depending on your persuasions), we did see a good spectacle and the atmosphere in the pub was magnificent. Lots of singing and wot-not. I'm sure that Liverpool fans such as Robbie and Pete will love this pick of Inzaghi putting the ball into the back of the net.

I could go into an in-depth match analysis, covering all the errors made by Liverpool, especially the tactical mistakes by Benitez, but this will all be covered by your daily broadsheet (see also broadsheets in tabloid form). Instead, this next photo will shed a little bit of light on AC Milan using Divine guidance to get their win:

(Kaka is about to be taken up)

So football over for another year? Not quite, there are still the playoff finals to come! Hurrah!

Come back Football, all is forgiven...

2007-05-22T18:56:00.000+01:00

Lets not beat around it: the FA cup final was an abomination in terms of football. Here we had two of the top teams in England that should have been battling it out in arguably the finest cup competition in the world, featuring players with great football talent (and Darren Fletcher) who get paid an obscene amount of money. A classic encounter we could have had. What we did have was something that could be likened to a wet fart on a drizzly day, it was that unwelcome. The players looked tired, even though for the last few games of the premiership we were treated to weakened teams and poor excuses ("We've been playing lots of games this season. We need a rest. Can I have my £100,000 weekly pay now?") and once again the media hype led us off to fantasy land before the big day. It was just a relief I was with good friends and beer, otherwise who knows what might have happened; I could have started watching cricket! It would, of course, been a far better game if Blackburn had reached the final instead of the lacklustre Chelsea, which was very nearly the case.

So now, to the final Final. The last big match of the season. AC Milan stepping up against Liverpool in the climax to the Champions League, a repeat of the final two years ago. Another one much hyped, granted, but there is still always the expectation, nay, the hope, of seeing the beautiful game; the sort of breathtaking match that fills your heart with wonder and amazement and makes the most rock steady supporter weep with either joy or despair. If only wars could be settled with games such as these.

In saying that though, there is the danger it could be shite. Lets hope not. In case it is, and the world becomes gloomier because of it, you can be assured that somewhere out in that big ol' world we have the glories of midget basketball.

Lazy Afternoons are Brilliant

2007-05-21T17:04:00.001+01:00

Ahhhhh.

After quite a slow 13 hour shift yesterday, I got up this morning and proceeded to do... very little. I was up early enough, 10.30 in the a.m to be exact, and I have bummed around doing as few things as possible. Now, its not that I have done nothing; I have hoovered the front room, made Ally a breakfast of rice and peas and made myself a lovely dinner of spuds and bacon. The rest of the time has been spent playing Resident Evil 4, or locked in a grudge match of Checkers with Peter, whilst Classic FM plays in the background. Delightful.

Its coming to an end though, as I have to go to work at 6. That means having to actually get dressed and walk into town while everybody else is leaving work.

So, apologies for just how boring and useless this post actually is, but I guess I'm trying to avoid the inevitable getting set for work for as long as possible. Plus I needed to add something or else all you people would forget about me.

Anyway, time marches ever on, and so must I.

Same Old Fella, Just a Little Older...

2007-05-20T09:13:00.000+01:00

A big big Happy Birthday to me Dad who adds another branch to the tree of life. All the folk in Manchester send their best. I was out yesterday with Mr James Wight, so we were recreating shenanigans that went down a few years ago during Dads 50th; This birthday will probably be a bit more low key than that, but just as grand. Was hunting for some funny/embarrassing/compromising photo to put on this, but couldn't find any, dammit. So. know where I found this? The Q101 website!! Apparently Andy Gordon is still a DJ there.
So once again, Happy Birthday to Andy, not just my Dad, but also best mate. Have a great one. And tell Mum I allow you to have a glass of wine today. Just the one, mind. You know how your head gets...

Bye bye Lawrie

2007-05-18T09:52:00.001+01:00

What fate lies in waiting for the greatest national team in the solar system? With Sir Lawrie gone from the helm it will take a talented and charismatic leader to steer the good ship Northern Ireland to victorious waters, that lusted-after land of the European Championships 2008. Jonny Rainey has already kindly offered his services...

GREATEST THING EVER

2007-05-18T01:20:00.000+01:00

Today I received something in the post that could quite possibly be in contention for the coveted 'greatest thing ever' title. I have shown this to Peter and Jeni via web cam and they have both come back with the "ooohhhh" reaction. Ladies and Gentlemen, say hello to my little friend...
That's right. Its a chainsaw controller for the PlayStation 2. With genuine fake blood smears and splats and presented in a plastic wooden box. This is what my hard earned money has gone towards. Ain't you proud Mum? (actually, its price was around the £45 mark, but I picked up this fella for £8.99. Nice)
Bedtime now, but I will be dreaming of this little beaut, no doubt. Pleasant dreams folks.

Simon Lives!

2007-05-17T13:05:00.000+01:00

Ahh, 'tis been a while since communication was last... um... communicated. But now the blogging shall begin once more. Not that there will be anything of any great importance or interest. And probably nothing remotely noteworthy, but you get what you pay for.

The last few weeks have seen things happen, some good, some not so good, but mostly just work. And when not working, when I could be online updating this oasis of knowledge in an otherwise barren and ignorant dessert known as the Internet (or is that the other way round?), I am more want to be found back on the good ol' PlayStation 2 working my way through Resident Evil 4. Wasting my time? Not really. Its not as if I could be doing something else . And it is a very good game.

Oh, and I got a new phone. Its black and shiny, and flips open. That's about as far as my phone knowledge goes.

Anyway, things to do before work today (when I say 'things', I really mean I'm going to the cinema to watch a movie) so I shall catch all you good people later.

THE RETURN...

2007-05-16T22:08:00.000+01:00

There was silence.

For almost a month, nothing.

Not the barest whimper.

But now, something stirs. Something begins to happen.

The people, they come from near and far. The old, the young; the healthy and the infirm, they all come. They can feel it, sense it, almost taste it. It was not unlike electricity, making the hairs at the back of the neck stand on end and the tips of fingernails buzz with anticipation.

He is coming.

There was no telegram, no messenger to spread word of this event. But they all knew. And they gathered at the foot of the great stage, voices kept low but still bursting with excitement, with wonder at what was expected.

The period of absence had been hard, unbearable at times, but it was coming to an end. There was light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel.

Suddenly a hush falls across the mass of peoples. All eyes, every one, look to the stage. Breaths are held, and fists are clenched. The time has arrived. He is about to enter the stage.

And on he walks. There is an audible intake of air from the gathered mass. He marches confidently to the centre of the stage, head held high, back straight and eyes fixed on the future. Simon has returned.

Simon is back on his blog.

There he stands, tall and commanding, a knowing grin on his face and the knowledge that all is again right in the world.

And from the hushed crowd, these silent watchers, one voice is heard. Hardly more than a whisper, but still clear and audible, this one voice rings true and speaks the one question on every ones mind, the one question about the grand figure standing so majestic at centre stage:

"Who the f**k is that...?"

Suzie and the sauce

2007-04-27T10:33:00.000+01:00

Found this photo of Suzie. She was a pleasant dog most of the time, light hearted and quick with a joke. But when she had a feed of drink inside her, watch out, that dog could be a mean drunk...

Kill some time, Balance a ball...

2007-04-25T12:40:00.000+01:00

Here's a quick little flash game for all out there with the edges of boredom starting to fuzz the lines of the day. Dad in particular should like this little ditty, though I doubt he would last past.. 15 seconds. The challenge has been made.

Balance Balls

Quick, they're not looking! Update!

2007-04-25T00:57:00.000+01:00

Well, another few days pass by without so much as a whistle from Simon towards his blog. Quick recap then- worked over the weekend, and met Mum at the airport for the return journey of her little excursion to the other side of the world. And, would you believe it, my own mother is plying me with alcohol! A lovely big bottle of Jim Beam to chase away all of my ills. Must put that to good use (purely medicinal, you understand). By all accounts mum had a fantastic time, but must have liked the few hours stopping over in Manchester best of all- she came back for a second time! Just went on facebook and pinched this photo of the Twins Gordon with Mammy, taken in the warm sunshine of Donegal in December.

By-the-by, those glasses I am wearing, as well as that lovely scarf, both were lost on the same night. The scarf to a horrible cloak room attendant who took the wit and charm of Mr j. Wright and myself the wrong way, and my glasses to some thieving gippo scumbag who probably has a faint smell of eggs and permanent cap hair. I think. Was a terribly drunk night so these versions of events are to be taken 'loosely'.
Missed the footy again tonight. Most annoying- another cracking match by all accounts. Will miss the footy tomorrow night. This whole work-when-the-footballs-on malarkey has to be totally rethunk (I know I should really put 'rethought', but when I typed that word I had a real feel for it. So rethunk it shall stay).
Right-so, it is now after 1 in the morning, the rain is lashing against the patio doors, and I feel a slight tickle of a sore throat coming on. With work looming once again tomorrow, I shall take my leave of all you folk and climb the stairs to slumberdom.
Night night.

A late Adios to Pepe...

2007-04-21T12:01:00.000+01:00

This little homage to the greatest (and possibly dumbest) dog does come a little late as Pepe left these mortal shores almost a month ago, but here it is finally. Pepe wasn't the most imaginative of dogs, nor was she the bravest, but did tick all boxes for a great and loyal friend (although would probably sell you out for a piece of bread). Following on from the last entry, I will miss trekking the fields around home with Pepe by my side, watching her jet off now and again to chase after rabbits and cows (although the bunny's always escaped, and the cows fought back).
A little 'unmotivated' in latter years, Peps still had a good innings, was much loved, and will be greatly missed by the Gordon clan. I'm sure Paul especially will miss those daily danders down to the crossroads and beyond. Like her mother before her, Pepe was a true member of the family.

THE GREEN GREEN GRASS OF HOME

2007-04-21T11:19:00.000+01:00

Cows.
Tyrone.
Tyrone cows in the rolling hills of the largest and prettiest (well, as long as you don't think too much about Fermanagh) of all counties the north has to offer. This time of year when the trees are blossoming and the plants are... um... blossoming too, the grass looks greener, the smells a little richer and all the colours are just a little sharper. And the cows are... well, pretty much the same as always. So different from the bustling, noisy, polluted ways of the city. Must really get back for a wee bit of a holiday soon.

Who Cut The...

2007-04-20T01:07:00.000+01:00

Cheese. Its fantastic, isn't it? So much variety, so much taste to be had. Also could be a sign that I'm getting old; cheese of course being nothing more than adult sweets. At the minute I am tucking into some wensleydale with cranberries. Very fruity. Cheese and beer. Pretty sure that's one of the all-time 'classic' combinations, like pizza and beer, and chicken and... er... beer. But isn't beer great? The best thing about having a place to yourself is the knowledge that when you spend all day at work and the only thing getting you through that day is the one solitary cold beer in the fridge, it's still going to be there when you get in that night.

Not an awful lot to this entry, just wanted to share my enjoyment of cheese and beer after a long shift at work. Have a good night.

People in the USA who have Stolen my Name

2007-04-17T11:31:00.000+01:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
25
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Welcome back to the land of the livin'... NOW PICK UP A SHOVEL AND GET DIGGING!

2007-04-17T10:33:00.000+01:00

Well today is indeed special. This is my second day off in a row. And it's really sunny outside. Fantastic. Might go to the cinema today...

No, none of that today, thank you. This day will continue from a cracking end to yesterday when, whilst out wandering, I came upon one of the greatest places (if not the greatest) on earth, a place where all troubles pale into nothing, and the people who inhabit such a magnificent arena of fantasy seem like angels. Yep, you've probably guessed it... I happened across a

B&Q SUPERSTORE!

There was a dazzling light, the sweet perfume of warehouse air conditioning and the largest ride-on-lawnmower I had ever clapped my newly-enlightened eyes upon. After what seemed like an eternity I managed to regain the power of speech and, in a croaky voice, ask one of the orange-aproned apostles the way to the light bulbs. With a reverend grunt and a magical flick of the wrist he beckoned me towards aisle 26. Wow! 26! I would have to walk for miles through this wondrous house of curiosity, no doubt encountering all sorts of astonishing adventures on the way.

Adventures aplenty indeed. But those stories are not for telling right now. No, bigger and better things awaited after the epic journey to aisle 26. When I got there... bear with me now, words are failing when I remember back to that enlightened moment that shall be forever emblazoned on my mind... when I reached my destination, the CHOICE that I was confronted with! It was as if all the little people (elves and such) of the world who make all the godly goods of this land, gathered together and created more light bulbs than there are blades of grass Ireland. It was a sight that needs to be seen as no written account can ever give it justice.

Now, as if this experience was not enough to fill several lives, I then came upon THE GARDEN SECTION!!! SO MANY PLANTS AND POTS AND TREES AND SHEDS!!!!!!!! I may be a hardy, of the Earth, stony faced man, but... I cried. At least (regain some dignity, dammit) I shed a tear. Then it all got too much for me, and I had to leave (my dinner was ready) but today I SHALL RETURN...

ERADICATION_STERILIZATION_RE-POPULATION_RE-INFECTION...

2007-04-16T09:19:00.000+01:00

"We've lost control. Kill everyone..."

Check out this fantastic trailer, and hold your breath until May 11th. This could be one hell of a sequel...

http://www.foxatomic.com/#player:AssetId=13486

Also, try and see Danny Boyle's current film 'Sunshine'. The best movie I have seen so far this year, one hell of a sci-fi; on par with 'Event Horizon'.

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.

2007-04-15T09:38:00.000+01:00

HA HA

They said it couldn't be done.

But I did it...

Simon sorted out the Intermanet-majobbie-thingymajig all by his lonesome. Success is mine. Well, almost- computer really crap and slow so I need to invite my nerdy mate Ste round to poke the inside of it.

So... been a while. Lots done (I think) since I last updated. Lets see now... oh yes, moved house. That's pretty major I suppose. Moved out of Chez Milverton and up to the wonderful land of Salford. Managed to do that while fitting in about 60 hours of work that week. Not bad. Ally has since come over and joined me in this lovely two bedroom house, a mere 10 minutes walk from the city centre. I have no money, still need to sort out a few bills and that sort of thing, but all is well.
The weather in Manchester has been amazing of late, better than (apparently) mainland Europe. I mention this for one reason. I hardly see the outside world at all. I work in a building that is inside a larger building with no windows, and I now live between the walls of the inner building which means I now get minus sunlight. I do about 11/12 hours a day without really seeing anyone. A little more of this and I will not be distinguishable from your average C.H.U.D.
But can't complain. I'm sure I have done lots of other things in the (almost) month since my last update, but work beckons in under an hour and I can't think.

Oh yes, mother stopped by at the start of April. Off to see Jen for 10 days in South Korea, then popping over to see Peter in Shanghai for 5 or so days. It was nice that my own mother could afford to find a few hours to fit me in. At Manchester Airport. And only while waiting for a flight...

Anyway, I'm sure I can come up with some other news, but it will have to be another time, as work does indeed beckon.

But don't forget, tell your friends tell your families;
Simon is back...

Quick Fact

2007-03-26T22:13:00.000+01:00

Nothing in life can be certain to be true unless it is said by David Attenborough.

A cheery little update

2007-03-26T15:06:00.000+01:00

Well, today is Monday and I have been neglecting the old blog, except to wish Jeni a happy birthday, so i will recap the weekend for anyone who cares.

Friday saw the monthly 'Pay Day Fun Day' and this month, thanks to Messrs John and Dickie (2 good Belfast lads), we went to Alton Towers for the day. Fun indeed! Cars were hired and a small troupe assembled to make the way south for adventure and excitement (a little too much excitement if you were traveling in Bobby's car by all accounts). This was the last day of 'Adrenalin Week' at the Towers (guess they had to come up with some snazzy name to entice people there during the opening week and still in the chilly freshness of March) which promised few queues and much thrills. And true enough, bar a 30 min wait for a go on Rita, there wasn't much queuing to be done. Fantabulous- went on Nemesis three times in quick succession, giggling like a schoolgirl. The last time on it, though, saw most people splattered with some orange liquid, at which point somebody at the back went "ARRGH! IT'S SICK!!" and caused much panic, which was nice (wasn't really sick; it had started to rain and was just rust from the tracks).

Then, it was back home to Manchester and to John and Dickies for a drink. Or two.

Now I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to drink until 3am when I was in work at 11 the next morning for a lovely 10 hour shift, but come that next day I was paying for it pretty severely.

Not much to say about Saturday and Sunday because I worked about 24 hours over those two days.

Not much to say that is, except

HEALY HEALY HEALY!!!

That's right, the mighty boys in green were at it again, the amazing David Healy scoring a hat-trick as Northern Ireland beat Liechtenstein 4-1 in their Euro 2008 qualifier in Vaduz. Bring on Sweden at Windsor Park on Wednesday and it'll be table topping time for the wee team in the north.

Apparently Sunday was a lovely day in Manchester, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and it was all very warm and pretty. I wouldn't know this because I spent 14 hours in work and it was dark when I got out. Oh well.

At the minute, I have to pack all my belongings because tomorrow I move house! I am leaving the might of Milverton to travel north to Salford. So that means I won't be online for a while as I will have to sort out an Internet connection in the new place. Oh, also have to find some way to transport my stuff...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!!!

2007-03-24T23:23:00.000Z

A very happy birthday to the best sister I have (I only have the one sister, but if there were more, I'm sure Jeni would come out on top). Now, I know that Jeni's birthday was actually on the 23rd of March, but this is the first time I have been able to get online to post this message, so:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!!

This year Jeni has been very elusive and has hidden herself somewhere in the wilds of South Korea, but wherever she is, I'm sure she is celebrating in proper style. With or without a kitchen utensil on her head.

I appear to be stuck...

2007-03-21T10:52:00.000Z

Oh no. Not again.

You know when you have to go and do something that's really quite important, and you promise yourself will leave the house in 5 minutes, switching off the computer just after you check e-mails and nothing more. Then you happen to see a link to something and you think "That looks interesting, I'll check it out, but only for a minute." Then that minute turns into 2, then 5, then ten, and so it goes...

Anyway, so as I don't suffer alone, I am going to share this with you lot.

http://chir.ag/stuff/sand/

There we go. Its a nice simple device that doesn't require downloading. Just sand, water, oil and salt that you play with. Go on, check it out....

THIS IS SPARTA!!!

2007-03-19T21:01:00.000Z

HOLY CRAP!

Just saw 300.

Really want to go out and kill some Persians.

It is FANTASTIC.

Think Braveheart. Then take out all the faffy bits and Mel Gibson. Add more blood. Lots more blood. And then start kicking things.
I really can't give a better account of the movie than this review:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/31520

Screen violence has never looked so good. But no matter how good it is, sticking it on the IMAX multiplies everything by 14. Don't know the science behind it, or why that particular number, but that's just the way of it.

Really want to say more about the film, but Peter has told me not to, so I will just have to go back and see another sneak-peak showing on Wednesday. It pays to work in a cinema sometimes.

(Mum, if you are reading this, I don't really want to kill Persians. It just happens lots in the film. Lots and lots and lots and...etc.)

2007-03-17T10:32:00.000Z

Well, another St Patricks day and another day spent at work. Not fair. In until 10 tonight. "Why", i hear you say "that's plenty of time to get as drunk as a fart!" True, but there is the little problem of work at 9.30 Sunday morning. When is it going to be Simons turn to wear a stupid Guinness hat and shout drunken obscenities at other Irish revelers? Oh well, taking whatever I can from the lack of Paddy's delight, I won't be spending a crazy amount of money on whiskey and over priced, bad pints of stout. I will have a nice quiet one in, watching Match of the Day. Now stop that. It's not as pathetic as it sounds.

There is also the fact that I will be missing oodles of sport, such as Ireland ripping the soul out of the Italians and claiming the Six Nations trophy, and the mighty 'Burn destroying West Ham.

In my absence however, I leave you with Paddy's day greetings from that great Irish man himself, The Hoff. Revel well folks, revel well.

Normal Service is Resumed

2007-03-15T01:54:00.000Z

47---Northern Ireland
48---South Korea
49---FYR Macedonia
50---Costa Rica
51---Republic of Ireland
52---Honduras

Good to see that those chaps at FIFA rankings have finally decided to right the wrong they have had for the past few months and place the mighty Northern Ireland higher than the Republic. I mean lets face it- in the past two years the North have beaten, nay, humiliated both Spain and England whereas the Republic have scraped a win. Against San Marino. The shame.
And a special mention to Honduras. Well done fellows, looking good, and it won't be too difficult to go one better and try to claim that 51 spot.

Amazingly Original Wednesday Quiz

2007-03-14T22:24:00.000Z

Thought this quiz up all by myself, no outside influences at all. At all.

What movie does the following quote come from?

"Short help is better than no help at all".

A toughie, and if you ask real nice I will give another quote or clue.

Fun with Kitchen Machine

2007-03-14T21:40:00.000Z

Site to check out. It has been added to my little list of time wasting delights on the side, but a special mention for this fella.

http://www.willitblend.com/

I think it is by a blender company to promote their product, but they promote it by blending lots of STUFF. Go to the 'Don't try this at home' section, and watch as stuff gets blended; ipods, plumbers, broom handles- the question is "will it blend"?

Been distracted...

2007-03-14T20:57:00.000Z

Well, it has been a while since the last entry, but in my defence I was distracted by Swedish means. The Swede in question was none other than the delectable Ally, who stopped by for five days to see what was going on this side of the water. Returning to Manchester after an absence of a few months, I'm sure she was dazzled by the changes that have occurred in this fair city, such as..., aah ..., emm..., well, okay, not really a lot of change, but I'm sure that Miss Alexandra enjoyed herself. This particular picture was not actually taken in Manchester (I'm sure those in the know would be quick to point out that Manchester is not beside the sea) but was in fact taken back at the end of January in Helsingborg, Sweden (that being the city where Henrik Larsson plays his club football when not on loan at Man Utd). If you look really carefully, you can see Denmark in the upper right hand side. Two countries in the one photo. Only I could be so kind.

Anyway, back to the now (well, recent past to be precise as i am currently going on about what has happened). Unfortunately, due to work, I was unable to be around for the last couple of days of the visit (20 hours worked over two days. Sorry Ally) but I'm sure she had a good time. I mean, it is ENGLAND after all, where the people are pleasant and the weather is fine... oh yeah, sorry again Ally.

Good food was eaten, good people were seen and a golly fine time had by all. I hope. I was at work after all so I don't really know... But of course it was a good time. And I have just received a message from the fair Ally so now we all know she is back safe and sound in Swedenland where they have FANTASTIC doors.

By the way, just to reassure Mr Robbie, my loyalties on the 28th of March lie totally with the boys in green when the mighty Norn Irun will be triumphant over the Swedes.

Gwoemul

2007-03-08T23:56:00.000Z

Korean Movie 'The Host' is probably the one of the best monster movies ever made. It needs to be seen. By you. Now.

300

2007-03-08T23:05:00.000Z

The trailer for the forthcoming movie '300'. Watch it, drool at the mouth and wee your pants. Then imagine it in the crazy giant-sized screen that is IMAX!!! Bigger battles! Floods of blood! Ear piercing screams! MONDO CARNAGE!!!!

Which is nice.

Roll on the 22nd of March.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDiUG52ZyHQ

Beards and Swedes

2007-03-08T21:17:00.000Z

Beards. Aren't they great. They just make you look so damn... cool. Just check out these guys if you don't believe me. Bet you just wish they were friends of yours. God bless you guys, every one. (this pic sent to me by the lovely Heather)

Oh yeah, update on stuff; job going well, blah de blah, things happening, yadda yadda, etc.

Actually, one very good thing going on: the wonderful Ally (Swede) is flying in tomorrow (from Sweden) and all will be well (Swedish) for the next few days. Hurrah!

he's a glassy guy

2007-03-04T00:26:00.000Z

Today was not the best day ever.

But lets go back to yesterday. Friday saw me start the new projectionist job and it was a very good first day. Was flat out all day and was glad to get off at 5, with the intention of going home, having a great meal, maybe a movie and then to bed. Mr James Wright had other plans. A few cheeky ones to round of the week? Why, certainly. Nothing wrong with one or two pints and a chat with a mate to polish off an already pretty shiny day. However, skip forward a good few hours, past the beer, the offended old Chinese woman (the sign DEFINITELY said half price dim sum. I think.) and the pissed off cloak room attendant, and the empty Finglands bus journey that never ended. Saturday morning. Simon wakes with thoughts of football and hangover food. He reaches over to where his glasses should be and grabs... nothing. Not a sausage. The day is going to be very blurry indeed.

So, this great day off I had planned, starting with the Liverpool v. Man Utd match, ended up taking on the shape of a very out of focus optometrists. And whilst waiting for first the eye appointment and then the new glasses to be ready, I went to the cinema and listened to a few movies. After the first movie I realised I had lost my phone (got it back later on in the day, had left it in the screen), and whilst my mind was on this new woe plus still dealing with a hangover, I choose my frames and handed over the credit card to pay and all was fine and dandy. What was that? How much were the glasses? Hmmm, maybe I should take a closer look at the bill...

Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear.

£350

Could have had a nice holiday with that. But then I do now own a very nice pair of rimless titanium framed glasses. Just going to put in a few extra hours at work I think...

New Horizons

2007-03-01T22:02:00.000Z

Tomorrow I start a new job!!

Picture this: you go to the cinema, you watch a movie (with me so far?).

That movie?

Put on by ME. Yes, I am about to enter the most exciting sphere of cinema running; I will be henceforth known as Simon the Projectionist! Jumping from booth to booth, lacing up show after show, keeping YOU, the cinema going public, happy in the knowledge that the silver screen will live on. And above everything else, probably means MORE HOURS. As if I don't work enough friggin' hours...

Actually, I will be the most lowly projectionist in the cinema, so the place to find me may be in the local buttie shop getting in the lunch order.

Today was the last day as supervisor, so I tried to make it as hard for the people I don't like as possible. But then, there isn't really anyone I don't like so it was all rather pleasant. I went after work and saw the new Clint Eastwood film 'Letters from Iwo Jima'. Good stuff, and has put me in the mood for war movies. Full Metal Jacket is definitely on the cards. Although right now, I think that it is once again the time for sleep, as I am absolutely exhausted and have a 9am start tomorrow (new job. Have I mentioned that?)

Your attention please...

2007-03-01T21:54:00.000Z

BLACKBURN 1 - 0 ARSENAL

"McCarthy punished Arsenal in the most devastating fashion, breaking in from the wing and arrowing home a shot. McCarthy punished Arsenal in the most devastating fashion, breaking in from the wing and arrowing home a shot."

Nice.

Jonny Versus the Ball of Fire

2007-02-28T23:59:00.000Z

Have finished my second 12 hour shift in two days. Am very tired. So instead of going on about something, I will just whack in some pictures of Mr Jonny gazing into a big ball of fire, for no other reason than I needed an image to fill up some space.

These particular photos were taken at an ancient ritual to lay homage to the Great God of Fiery Things. Hence the fire. He was also ball shaped. Hence the ball. Jonny was to be offered up as a

sacrifice because he misheard the question and raised his hand

with the understanding that he was going to get free crispy duck.

It was down to quick thinking, questionable journalism skills and

his trusty penknife that Jonny was able to get out alive. "I'll never have Chinese food ever again" he cried, falling to his knees once safe. For it was through love of oriental dishes that caused this near fatal encounter with a little known Fire God.

And that is the story about why Jonny doesn't eat Chinese food.

Well, maybe that's not quite what happened, but its late and I'm

going to bed.

Although I really want Chinese food now...

2007-02-28T00:25:00.000Z

Well, since the last update, which was when I was missing the football (Chelsea won, by the way. 2-1 to them, some beautiful football played, and a punch up at the end. everything you would want, really. And I was at work.) I have travelled to far off lands, new and scary destinations... well, that is to say, I went to London.

First off, I didn't get home from work that night until after 2 Monday morning. Was very tired after spending much of the shift throwing scallys out of the cinema. Little shits. How does someone become a scally? Do their parents take them to JJB sports when they have just learned to walk and tell them to pick out the most horrid grey tracksuit they can find? They should be wiped from the face of the earth. Or sent somewhere like Milton Keynes, where no sane person would dream of going.

Then, upon rising around mid-day on Monday, I hopped into a rental car and a few of us drove (well, I didn't drive of course, seeing as I don't have a licence) down south to merry old London.
Now, I have never been to London, and before this trip I would often say I didn't really fancy going as it was just a really big city, much like the rest and, sure, haven't I seen most of it already on the telly? But I was wrong.
Very Wrong.
London is AMAZING!!!! Its got all these big buildings, with lots of stuff, and it just looked so... big and.... brilliant! And the subway? It's like off the telly!!

We didn't really have time for sight seeing as the purpose of the trip was to see some bloke called Tom McCrae singing in this really cool bar called Cargo, but because we got a trifle lost after being in London for about 3 minutes, we abandoned the car somewhere in Tottenham (that's north London for all you who haven't been. I have.) and took the subway to Oxford Circus, and then to other places that I don't know the name of, but we did see the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben! Like off the telly!! Crazy.
The gig was good, although 2 bottles of beer cost me about £10. London isn't the friendliest place to the pocket.
Anyway, back to the car alright, back home by 4 Tuesday morning. Up and to work for 12 noon, then a mighty 11 hour shift takes me up to... now. Back in at 9.30 tomorrow morning. Until 10 tomorrow night. Oh well. We'll always have London...

A Slow Start to the Day

2007-02-25T10:49:00.000Z

Well, Sunday morning has come and the head does not feel so bad considering i should have been celebrating yesterdays win with extreme prejudice.
See how dedicated I am to make this blog a success? My stomach is rumbling, I have no food in the house to speak of, yet here I sit, typing away so you people out there can... read about... me sitting here... ... actually, what is the point?
Okay, maybe I am just being really lazy, but I have a right to. The Leauge Cup final is being played today, but I will be stuck in a cave-like prison that some may call 'work'. On a Sunday. The Lords day and all that. Well, actually, Sunday is more Football day now, as that is what you are supposed to do - spend it in the pub watching and discussing the beautiful game. Not going to work until 1 o'clock in the bloody morning. Ho Hum, you pays your money, you takes your turn, as the old saying goes.
Anyway, I'm sure the day will go great without me, hope for an Arsenal win over Chelski.

A STIRRING DISPLAY

2007-02-25T01:20:00.000Z

"RAMPANT IRISH CRUSH ENGLAND"

Ireland get their Six Nations campaign back on track with a record 43-13 win over England in their historic encounter at Croke Park.

It was a relatively easy victory for the mighty boys in green, England putting up very little resistance in front of the onslaught.

Lets face it - the English are crap. The Irish beat them at rugby, the Aussies beat them at cricket and the fantastic NORTHERN IRELAND beat them at football. Plus their beer is shit. There is a God after all, and English he aint.

2007-02-24T13:30:00.000Z

I wouldn't say that this was the best night of the year, but it sure isn't far off it...

Simon is what this drink-laden fellow is called. First blog and all that, might not last but we shall see. Will try to post as often as I can, but you know how it is; work and what-not.

Anyway, I'm off to watch Ireland beat England in the rugby...